GOD'S GIFT OF PARKING
God doesn't give me riches. God doesn't give me a super body and stunning head of hair. God doesn't give me the ability to handle money.
God gives me GOOD PARKING. And I'll take it.
I have an uncanny ability to achieve the highly-coveted 'within-a-block' parking spaces in dowtown locations. It doesn't matter what city, what day, or what event, or whose car I drive. I get good parking. My lovely girlfriend, Hannah, has remarked on this on a number of occasions.
I park well, too. I can parallel park very well. I usually get within five inches of the curb, evenly-aligned from front to rear. I can get myself in and out of spaces most people wouldn't dare try. I drive a big car, too; a Pontiac Aztek. It's roughly the same length as a minivan.
So for any of you who need good parking, here are a few tips:
1) No space is worth driving around the lot for half an hour. You could have been inside and shopping already. Take the first closest spot you find and enjoy your shopping or dining experience instead of driving in circles, wasting gas, cursing at the other drivers for arriving first. In Supermarket, Department Store, or Mall parking lots, find the parking lanes that feature Handicap parking (usually centered on the store's entrance). Drive two lanes over, to either side. That's where you are most likely to find close parking.
2) Be considerate. In unmarked street parking try to calculate the maximum number of spaces that could be created in the area in question, and park in such a way that leaves room for others but maximizes the space. In marked-stall parking, try to stay evenly between the lines. Men - if you can aim into a toilet, you can keep your car between parking lanes. Women - if you have the constitution to clean your man's urine off the rim of the toilet, you have the patience to navigate your car between the lanes. As our cars get bigger, we need to be more aware of the space they consume.
3) Be attuned to your intuition. If you REALLY want to leave the house to get where you're going but a little voice inside is telling you to wait... just wait. Maybe if you listen to that inner voice, you'll get where you want to go just in time for the rockstar parking.
God doesn't give me riches. God doesn't give me a super body and stunning head of hair. God doesn't give me the ability to handle money.
God gives me GOOD PARKING. And I'll take it.
I have an uncanny ability to achieve the highly-coveted 'within-a-block' parking spaces in dowtown locations. It doesn't matter what city, what day, or what event, or whose car I drive. I get good parking. My lovely girlfriend, Hannah, has remarked on this on a number of occasions.
I park well, too. I can parallel park very well. I usually get within five inches of the curb, evenly-aligned from front to rear. I can get myself in and out of spaces most people wouldn't dare try. I drive a big car, too; a Pontiac Aztek. It's roughly the same length as a minivan.
So for any of you who need good parking, here are a few tips:
1) No space is worth driving around the lot for half an hour. You could have been inside and shopping already. Take the first closest spot you find and enjoy your shopping or dining experience instead of driving in circles, wasting gas, cursing at the other drivers for arriving first. In Supermarket, Department Store, or Mall parking lots, find the parking lanes that feature Handicap parking (usually centered on the store's entrance). Drive two lanes over, to either side. That's where you are most likely to find close parking.
2) Be considerate. In unmarked street parking try to calculate the maximum number of spaces that could be created in the area in question, and park in such a way that leaves room for others but maximizes the space. In marked-stall parking, try to stay evenly between the lines. Men - if you can aim into a toilet, you can keep your car between parking lanes. Women - if you have the constitution to clean your man's urine off the rim of the toilet, you have the patience to navigate your car between the lanes. As our cars get bigger, we need to be more aware of the space they consume.
3) Be attuned to your intuition. If you REALLY want to leave the house to get where you're going but a little voice inside is telling you to wait... just wait. Maybe if you listen to that inner voice, you'll get where you want to go just in time for the rockstar parking.
posted by Seth Asa at 12:07 PM
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